Coping with the stress of a New Year break-up (From Penarth Times)

Coping with the stress of a New Year break-up

FOR most couples New Year conjures up images of popping champagne bottles, wild parties and great get-togethers but for many families the festive season often ends in tears.

Statistics have shown that the divorce and separation rates soar after the festive season as couples forced to spend time together find it's all too much. And nearly everyone with a lot of preparation to do for the holiday ends up frazzled.

Britain has the highest divorce rate in Western Europe. One in three marriages ends in divorce, and last year in the UK just over 155,000 divorces were granted. For those involved it can be a traumatic time, and emotional recovery can take years.

The News spoke to people about life after divorce.

It was New Year's Day when Val, 57, found herself alone for the first time.

"Although I had many supportive friends they were mostly married and my social life was with other couples," she says. "I did not find it hard to explain to them - I told them what was going on. I would broach the subject first so they would not feel awkward. But it is hard for friends because they find themselves taking sides."

Val, a grandmother, took comfort from talking to friends in a similar position. "They spoke about their own experiences and advised me, but every case is different. Some people withdraw into themselves and don't want to speak to anyone. I liked going out and would find a different project for every day, like keep-fit, swimming and walking."

She keeps busy, doing voluntary work for Childline, delivering the talking newspaper and is an active member of the local operatic society and playhouse.

Initially, Val felt out on a limb, but kept a brave face outside her home.

She had good and bad days.

"You have ups and downs. You think things are going well then something could happen to knock you back down. I lived with my parents before getting married and then I brought up my children. I had always been looked after - then I found I had to fend for myself."

Val moved to a smaller, more manageable house, not far from the one she shared with her husband, and started going to meetings of the National Council for the Divorced & Separated. She hoped to meet people in the same boat, and make friends of both sexes. The group brought happiness back into her life.

"With them I have done things I would not normally have done - I've been to the dog track, to a casino and to a karaoke night." She has also spent weekends with her new friends - a time which she had found difficult

"That's when all the couples come out," she says.

Val maintains an amicable relationship with her husband, who has remarried.

She has also met someone new. They met through the group and have become close, going on holiday together. "But I don't know what the future holds," she says . Although she had learned to get along Val admits she does not like living alone and is "not entirely" over her marriage breakdown.

"But it's true that time is a great healer and as time goes on it goes to the back of your mind."